Words: 868
"No! Her brain screamed inside. This time can’t end like all the others. She fought against the pain she knew was coming, like she did every time she got this close. But the convulsing began despite her efforts, and she could feel her body jerking uncontrollably against her will."
It was maddening. Like living in the dark when the light was right outside; yet knowing the minute you step into the light it would harm you. She was a prisoner inside herself, with no chance of ever being freed. How could she have such a strong desire for something that was so toxic to her well-being? It wasn’t that she had a wish for her own demise, but somehow, Diamyra knew she was locked out of a world she so desperately wanted to be a part of. She was forbidden to enter it for reasons completely unknown to her.
Come to us. Come to us. You don’t belong there. You belong to us. Come child, come.
She kept hearing the voices constantly calling to her, yet she couldn’t answer. She knew she was the only one that could hear them. But she couldn’t go. Her body wouldn’t allow her. Was it worth another episode? Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad this time. She wasn’t crazy, she knew she wasn’t. But if she ventured out too far, her body would rebel. And if she stayed inside too long, the voices wouldn’t be quiet. Tormented by your body, or tormented by your mind—which was the lesser of two evils? She constantly asked herself that question, but the answer forever eluded her. Maybe she should try one more time.
She dared to move her feet off the terrace and into the white, grainy sand of the shore. The luminescent glow of the moon in the starless sky made the dark horizon appear even more beautiful; somehow, every drop of water shone independently, giving the sea the allure of a diamond mine full of precious gems. The water’s expanse was right before her—glorious, sparkling, inviting. It called her to come to it. Called her to accept its invitation of devotion, adoration, complete submersion. And she wanted it. She wanted it more than anything she’d ever known—more than food, more than love, more than life itself. She wanted to accept everything the sea had to offer, regardless of the consequences. She wanted to drown herself in it, to allow it to fill her body wholly and completely, to flow through her eyelids and down her face, through her chest and out her fingertips. But she knew if she did, she would suffer for it.
And yet still, she took another step forward. It was even closer now.
Yes, this had to be right. It felt so good.
More than anything else, she knew she needed the sea. She didn’t know how she knew, she just knew she did. But if that was the case, why did her stomach tighten with every step? Why were her hands trembling now? Why was a crown of sweat forming across her forehead?
It didn’t matter. She had to continue forward. She could feel the sea aching to be with her, the waves ever reaching, extending their arms out to her, beckoning for her embrace. Tonight, she was going to do it. Her eyes locked onto the waves with solid focus. She looked neither left nor right, and she did not blink. She simply advanced, one step at a time, feet sinking into the sand—steady at first, but becoming more tremulous with each step.
She could feel the increasing pounding of her heart, intense and disoriented, but she didn’t care. This time she would make it. This time would be different. She was going to get there now, finally.
Yes, yes. She outstretched her arm as she took the final step. The sand was wet here; the dampness kissed her toes. So close. If she could just touch it, she knew everything would be all right. The sea would save her, she was sure of it. It was everything; all that there was and all there would ever be, was the sea. Her sea.
Yes, come to us. Just a few more steps. Come, sweet child, we must unite.
No! Her brain screamed inside. This time can’t end like all the others. She fought against the pain she knew was coming, like she did every time she got this close. But the convulsing began despite her efforts, and she could feel her body jerking uncontrollably against her will. The pain shot through her like a hot beam of fire, singeing her insides like a delicate flower on hot coals. Yet the frustration was what really burned her to the core. She cried out to the sea, but her screams merely sailed on the wind and drifted into the open night air. Her head flew from side to side as the world twisted around her, and she once again melted into that familiar place she knew all too well, where the sky dripped liquid chaos onto her face and buried her in darkness.
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